After many years of turning up to work on a Monday morning with a black eye and limping around like I’ve been river dancing on a bucket of Lego I often get asked the question, why do you play rugby??? Well why do you ask twattish questions Susan!? is usually my first thought. which is strange as I work in a warehouse full of men, but that’s not the point. I’m sick of being asked the question so hear it is in black and white for all to see, my 8 reasons to play rugby.
1: Women find you irresistible
This is a fairly clear, straight forward one, rugby players are just sexy! Some more than others, from the ‘obvious’ good looks of Jonny Wilkinson or Sonny Bill Williams to the ruggedness of Sebastien Chabal, the ladies just cant keep away. But the crème de la crème of all rugby players in a young ladies eyes are the front row, what woman wouldn’t want to take a young Gareth Chilcott home? As a prop myself I often find myself in compromising situations, just yesterday I walked into a small room where a beautiful young woman was waiting for me wearing nothing but her underwear, she kept screaming “get out. get out, these are the ladies changing rooms”, I assume this is some sort of ‘street’ slang I’m unaware off.
Now these are no ordinary friends, a rugby friend is more like an enjoyable embarrassment. If you’re the sort of lad that enjoys being abused and embarrassed at any opportunity then rugby is the sport for you. When a girl adds you on Facebook, do you ever think, you know what will make this better, 400 comments asking me “is that the girl from the videos?” or “finally, you might stop talking about her now” if so you’ll love rugby mates. But although they are absolute dicks most of the time these are the lads you can absolutely rely on when the shit hits the fan. If you’re too skint to go out they’re the ones that will buy you a pint, rugby mates are mates for life and we all need to cherish them, even when they’re being dick heads.
Playing any sport is good for your health, both physically and mentally but rugby is brilliant for your all round fitness levels. you may see a 20st bloke and think, well he doesn’t look fit but I guarantee you he’ll surprise you. Amateur rugby players like myself may not look at peak physical condition but I assure you, to put your body through 80 minutes of beautiful agony every Saturday is not easy and I know if I didn’t play I wouldn’t be half as fit.
4: A blatant excuse for borderline alcoholism
Now we at Gain Line Rugby only advocate responsible drinking….but if you do enjoy a Saturday with the boys, or girls and happen to sink 15 pints, 12 Jaegerbombs and a shot of some shite your dad uses to strip the paint off the skirting boards then your excuse is ready and waiting. “Sorry love, it was a team social, its all about bonding and becoming a better team, I’m sure you understand.” Now you cant overuse this line, you must use it wisely, don’t go spoiling it for the rest of us!!
5: A position for everyone
Now this is the real masterstroke of rugby, no matter how old and fat you get, you just get a shirt with a lower number, its genius! Back in my teenage years I was centre, fit, quick with a huge boot, as I got older, the less time I had to exercise, the more money I had for kebabs and lager, boom, now I’m a 30 year old prop, simple as that. I like to think I’ve matured into the position. But in all seriousness no matter what size or shape you are there will be a position for you.
6: Stress relief
How many times have you wanted lay a flying elbow drop on your boss at work or punch the man walking too slowly in front of you in the back of the head but controlled your urges because you are an adult? Only to find yourself raging inside at the increasingly annoying populous around you. Well get rid of all that inner rage with rugby! The legal way to vent your frustrations through attempting to break a mans rib cage with your shoulder. Not only is this legal. its encouraged!
I must say the rugby players humour is not the everyday, run of the mill sort of thing. I would imagine in a normal friendship, pissing in ones pocket may be considered crude or even unforgivable but in the rugby players mind, this is top level bantz. It’s not only urination we find funny but also public nudity, if you’ve ever played cock or ball, you’ll no what I’m talking about. Obviously, we’d never do such a thing in front of people that didn’t find us hilarious and the height of comedic genius.
Even if I hated rugby and everything about it I would struggle my way through 9 months worth of games a year just so I could go on tour. there is just something about 50 grown men dressed as something ridiculous in an alien town that appeals to me. Court alone is worth the trip, the hilarity of watching a man drink a luke warm can of Fosters through someone’s used boxer shorts for the crime of ringing his missus, is something that cant be missed. Just make sure you aren’t a tour virgin.
So those are my 8 reasons, if this hasn’t made you instantly google your local team to join then there’s something wrong with you mate. But on a serious note there are so many beneficial factors to playing rugby, health, friends, respect, camaraderie but to name a few, if you don’t already, get out there and give it a go for yourself.
Thanks for reading Gain Line Rugby’s 8 reasons to play rugby, let us know any reasons we may have missed,